Puppy Cam Basically The Happiest Thing In The World
I guess my question is, WHY AREN’T THERE MORE OF THESE THINGS? Why isn’t one of David Gregory’s 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue pundit boxes pointed at a puppy cam? Why can’t the New York Times replace Bill Kristol’s column with a puppy cam? Why doesn’t the Huffington Post have, right now, a PUPPY CAM VERTICAL? Surely these things will come to pass! As Horace wrote in the Ars Poetica, “Simul et jucunda et idonea dicere vitae,” which is Latin for “OMG I want those puppies NOM NOM NOM.”
Reviewing Chinese Democracy is not like reviewing music. It’s more like reviewing a unicorn. Should I primarily be blown away that it exists at all? Am I supposed to compare it to conventional horses? To a rhinoceros? Does its pre-existing mythology impact its actual value, or must it be examined inside a cultural vacuum, as if this creature is no more (or less) special than the remainder of the animal kingdom? I’ve been thinking about this record for 15 years; during that span, I’ve thought about this record more than I’ve thought about China, and maybe as much as I’ve thought about the principles of democracy.
Do I feign interest or do I tell them they have failed?
My friends have figured out that when talking to me they should preface any internet related conversation with, “I’m sure you have seen it already but…”.
They do this because if they don’t they get a lame response from me, usually along the lines of “oh… yeah… that’s cool…”. My attempts at humouring are quite sad and easy to see through. This is a bit of a problem.
In my darkest moments I have been known to respond with “and you thought you could beat me at the internet!?” followed by an evil mastermind laugh.
No, what’s most offensive about the whole thing is the insistence that they deserve a third term. Look at the absolute disaster the last eight years of Republican rule—six of which, do not forget, have come with that party in control of all three branches of government; the next time I hear some Republican talking head warn against the “lack of checks and balances” if the Democrats control both Congress and the presidency, I swear I’m going to throw my shoe at the screen. Are these people willfully stupid or deliberately duplicitous?—has been for this country. The fact that any Republican anywhere can show up with a straight face and argue for another four years at the helm is a tribute to the forgiving nature of our nation; they should all be walking around with paper bags on their heads, shoulders slumped in shame, carrying placards that read “Sorry for repeatedly raping you in the ass since 2000, America. This time we promise to use lube.” The Republican party’s only hope in the last three months has been that American voters might prove more racist than they are greedy. Thankfully, they will not.